Time to R.A.N.T

sitting alone in my room accompanied by songs played on my Pink Lappy, I felt empty...I tried to make myself busy...reading notes for upcoming test, making my semester's schedule and pasting it on the wall, doodling on my notebooks and also browsing through the net are some of the things I did to forget the emptiness...Why am I feeling this, I ask myself...I hope I dont find the answer, but it stares me right in front of my face...Hate it so bad...

I am so used to be accompanied by peoples that I despise the situation where I'm lonely...ALONE, is probably the most hated word by me right now...What does it mean to be alone???Being with nobody in a place is considered alone to some...Yes it is true...But the 'Alone'ness that I hate the most is when there are peoples around you but you feel empty...And this situation has been somewhat of a regular to me now...Yes when I'm with some friends, I feel contempt...But when the time where I'm left alone in the middle of a crowded place, I feel like running amok...Besides those friends, I felt empty...Not saying that friends are the whole world to me, but I cant help but feeling lost without friends...Boredom, Loneliness and Emptiness, why am I so scared of that???Isn't that normal???It should be normal right...

Now, I want to be strong...Easier said than done right...I just want to be home...I miss my friends...I miss the old days...I miss schooling time (I cant believe I actually miss my school time)...I might not always hang out with my friends, but whenever I'm left alone, I felt I can handle it...I used to be strong...Crying just when I cant handle it...There are painful memories, but I was made stronger by them...Now, I felt like crying everyday and every minute I think of being alone...SO mellow Ima...

a sudden post triggered by this post...Sorry...

ima tanpa internet..

kuang kuang kuang...streamyx rumah aku terganggu..nape???sebab tak baya bil okeyh...n sekarang tgh rase super helpless...rase nk hantuk kepale jek...
wuaaa...nak online...bkn nak fesbuk, sbb tu bley aku tgk kt fon jek...i want utube n nak download videos...uish, rase cm tak senang duduk jek takleh online...dhla goguma couple dh ade kt utube...tulun....
ok2 aku bg mase smpai esok je...hey streamyx,ko better fix urself by tomorrow morning or im gonna flip....u wouldnt like it if i do!!!

Penat~~

penat fizikal boleh aku tolerate...tapi penat emosi???macam mane aku nk hilangkan???jawab-jawab...

HUH!!tetibe jek kan...tak bagi intro ke ape, teros mengadu penat...Ima, Ima...ko ingat ko sorang je ke penat???well, memang super penat pon sekarang...nak tau kenape???meh aku list kan...

first sekali penat fizikal...kelas sem akhir neyh mmg agak berpuaka...memangla kelas cume ari isnin sampai khamis aje n plus takde kelas start pukul 8...tapi tahap kepenatannyer after class adelah tahap dewa-dewi okeyh...almost everyday pon nak balik malam2...kalu tak malam, dah lewat petang baru boleh jenguk bilik...HUH memang aje tercabar fizikal ku yg tak berape fit neyh...

n sekarang adelah bulan RAMADHAN, obviously aku rase tertekan sikit bile kene hadapi kelas plus kene berpuase...tapi, aku rase itu bukan alasan aku penat, in fact bile time puase neyh, rase ade mase sikit utk rileks2 time lunch hour...so conclusion nyer aku penat fizikal sebab kelas2 yg agak menjengkelkan...

n aku rase, aku malas nak include assignment n test dlm reason aku penat, sbb right now, aku tak prepare ape2 pon for these 2...

hah yg neyh plak penat emosi...hurmm..tak tau nak ckp macam mane...hal emosi neyh, mmg aje berjaye menjatuhkan aku...aku ingat bende emosi2 neyh dh lepas...aku ingat aku dh get over the feeling...tapi rupe-rupenyer, aku masih lagi emotionally retarded...aku masih lagi tak pandai kawal emosi...masih lagi nak nanges2 bile terase...n paling menyampah tuh, aku masih lagi ade nak terase-terase...orang lain dok enjoy life, aku dok menangis...budus okeyh...

hal lame...kisah lame...mcm tak payah ungkit2 lagi...tapi aku masih rase penat...ape maknenyer tuh???maknenye aku masih lagi hang on with the mindset of immature person...Cik Pah aka my lecturer kate, org yg dah get over what others feel and do and dont get affected by what others did adelah orang yg matang...n die expect students die sume dh matang2 dalam hal neyh...well, I got a news for Cik Pah, saye student Cik Pah yg masih childish...taktau nk kawal emosi lagi...

tapi satu jek yg aku pasti, aku dah tak mau nanges...even if aku nanges pon, aku nanges sbb aku rase aku neyh bodoh sgt sbb ade lagi perasaan needy tuh...kecewa ngan diri sendiri instead of kecewa pasal org lain...sudah-sudahla ima oi...get on with ur life...your life, hanye ko jek yg mampu lalui...pasal terase tuh, menunjukkan yg walaupun ko kate ko "malas fikir" sebenarnyer ko masih ade lagi perasaan pade other human being...

dah2, lets just be happy ek...

ps: ingat tak aku punye post before balik UPM yg aku akan meroyan pasal human relations once aku balik ke tempat puaka tuh...well, my instinct is SUPER kuat okeyh!!!